HeartstepsAs cliche` as this may be, overcoming each and every obstacle life presents is done by putting one foot in front of the other. It is as simple as it is complicated. To be as perfectly frank as I can be, it has been a while since I have written. So if this tends to lack wherever and whatever it may lack, promise you won't send me to bed without supper.

Sound good? Absolutely wonderful. That makes me feel so much better ... I mean worlds.

But I can't lie, or at least let the above lie breathe much longer out of fear it will grow up to be a bully. I've got to explain myself here, it seems, to clear my conscience above all.

The truth is not that I haven't written in the sense of carrying out the physical act, because that is not the case at all. I've typed out several riveting stories as of late, injecting enough black magic into keeping readers enthralled in the magical, mayhem-filled, and sometimes mundane world of sports. But even those have been more sparse after some recent changes have occurred in my own personal sector. 

That may be a topic that gets more attention down the road, but maybe not. Trust is an important issue, and I do not know you well enough to expose the innermost workings of what's been acting up and acting out. Please do not be offended ...

Everyone is so damn offended by everything, in every way, on every level. I say to you with the boldest of certainty that it has become goddamn exhausting, and I have unfortunately allowed this current culture of "say the wrong thing and risk being ravaged by wolves" to silence me. 

Yeah, I have gotten lost in the woods ... I need to find my way back.  

I feel uniquely apprehensive in writing this. It's like the pitcher who hasn't thrown a fastball - or even a slow ball, for that matter - since totally wrecking his arm due to going a few too many innings. Imagine the anticipation of stepping back on the mound in the wake of rehabbing the damage done, carrying a swirling list of questions that spin so fast it is sometimes impossible to snatch one from the whirlwind long enough to find a satisfying answer. 

Have I lost my effectiveness? Will I end up doing further damage? 

Has my passion abandoned me? If so, why? And if that is the case, how do I protect it if I happen to be blessed with a rekindling?

There are more, but why entertain this any further?

Ah, another question. Somebody stop me.

The only way to find my way back is to start stepping, just one at a time, and hope to find familiar territory. And by that, I do not mean sinking back into a swampy mix of over-stimulation, apathy and just plain exhaustion. It is a mindset that I seek, one that used to drive me without the apprehension of deadlines and public approval. One that was free-flowing, unaffected and unapologetic.

One that is still very much alive, just buried under layer upon layer of ash and embers from the blazes that have burned with fervor for some years now.

As a fact many of you can assuredly relate to, burnout is a very real monster. It wants nothing more than to steal your soul and rob you of all faculties, and the point of attack varies. There are times when it plods with heavy steps; you can hear it coming, even feel its presence in the stale air you breathe. And yet, on another level entirely, you can find yourself locked in its fiery grip of creative paralysis without warning or symptom.

Either way, you are helpless to escape without a little scar tissue.

Awareness is the best defense - always remain aware that the monster is always lurking somewhere, and also be wary of your own resistance level. To say energy is important is a huge miscarriage of impact.

Energy is everything. Use it wisely and know when to conserve.

Burnout is a very real monster. Now I'm being redundant, although I suspect you know it is by design. 

A colossal part of this journey is to employ an ability to adapt. That means being able to forge something beautiful out of the available elements; mixing dirt, oil and a little sunshine and somehow ending up with gold. To do so requires a certain spontaneity of rolling with the changes that are as inevitable as they are relentless.

That is what I'm looking to revive when it comes right down to the hammer and nails of it. I know exactly where to look - the spontaneity is right where I left it, waiting patiently beside the passion. It is time for an overdue reunion.

This has been my first step toward not so much the past, but in the direction of a future where I feel whole again. It's not about what I have just written, because this has merely been an exercise to get the mind and fingers reacquainted while seeing how the "arm" is doing.

The velocity will come in time. I'm just glad I can still throw a good screwball.